[there's voice before there's video; before any actual speaking happens, one can hear the soft humming of this song, ever so softly.]

Has anyone ever really looked at all of these forms?

[the video snaps on and the good doctor is pulling back from the guide, sitting backwards in his computer chair at a desk. beside him is a huge stack of forms.] ( Read more... )

( private text to Spirit Albarn )

[If the filters on your Guide are on, you get a benign documentary about how mommy doggies raise their puppies, intended for the 4-8 year old set.]

( the rest is cut for disturbing imagery and suicide )

[The stage: Stein's bed. The characters: two well-stitched socks and a stuffed frog with removable stuffed organs. The actors: Stein's hands. The smoke effects: courtesy of Stein's lit cigarette.

...Oh, and he seems to be halfway through the...play...when he starts recording. CLEARLY THIS IS THE BEST SHOW EVER.]

What's next Bobby? [Says Left ( Read more... )

[Let's play "what's that noise"! In the thirty seconds or so before Stein speaks in this recording there can be heard:

the sound of someone typing on a computer keyboard

a (familiar to some) creaking noise that comes and goes intermittently

an intensely world-weary sigh.]

I give up. I'm too tired to deal with this.

[And then, in a statement ( Read more... )

[Stein is on the planet, mostly because he has to be--he's a shuttle conductor. He's even wearing a white conductor's hat. But you can't see that at first, because the camera is focused on a little scribble he seems to have brought to life. It looks kind of like a little dough boy; it's about four inches tall and is all round curves, with the ( Read more... )

[The video opens to a regular old living room--the living room in 4-16, to be exact. The camera shifts around a little and is blocked by some sort of blobby shape as it's set down on a hard surface, and then...

...then the masterpiece is revealed. It's a giant duck that reaches to the ceiling and probably takes up a good half of the room. But ( Read more... )

[It's Stein's class again, and surprise! No dissections of any kind are taking place. In fact, Stein is lecturing on the soul, what it is and how it can be used as a weapon or to share communication and power with other people. Soul theory is his specialty, after all ( Read more... )

[hey everybody, it's time for Soul Theory with Professor Stein!

...and by "Soul Theory" we mean "nine million frog dissections". But fear not! The class isn't dissecting frogs today. Today they're going to be observing and taking notes as Stein dissects a super-ultra-rare creature from the planet! In fact, this alien creature is so rare that it is ( Read more... )

[It hadn't been Stein's intention to put the video function of his guide on a timer. He had been trying to find the alarm function (because surely it had one). But things don't always go as you plan them, and so it is that the camera switches on without making so much as a sound. The room is dark, so there's not a whole lot to be seen, and all that ( Read more... )